I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
