i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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