So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
