Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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