I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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