I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize