My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
