I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
