please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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