And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
