toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
