Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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