I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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