I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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