wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize