I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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