I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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