The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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