I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
