Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The air taste purple.
Randomize
