dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
