there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
