my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
