our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
