you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
