Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
