Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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