at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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