I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
