What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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