I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
