I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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