remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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