That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
