WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
