i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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