just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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