That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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