The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
