Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
