So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
