i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
