blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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