i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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