Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
