So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
