So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
