i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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