It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
