I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
