i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
