I wish I could teleport
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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