someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
