I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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