It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
