I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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