hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
