I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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