Your mouth is God's brothel.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
