Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
