I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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