She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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