I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
