Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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