shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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