I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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