I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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