Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize