I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
