Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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