And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
