i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
