Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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