I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
