Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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