I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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