Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
