She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
